The briskness of LAN MY WORLD [Ah Lan] in LIFE.: March 2006

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Most Amazing Facts

Most Amazing Facts

Coca-Cola was originally green.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laserprinters all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

Friday, March 10, 2006

I is No Asians.

First of all, i want to apologize to my dearest blog reader for not updating my blog.Well,i was really busy and "Those sweet days -chapter 4" is coming out soon.Stay tuned guys!!

Alrite, just incase u cant see the image above, It said :

b w e n d a - i hate the group of asian boys in rundle mall...sitting infront of myer ...they look so ugly ... fuck them ALL HAHA!

Oh well, i guess that msn nickname is already self-stated that she is either an Australian-ed chinese or rather a LAN-ed chinese AND SHE NOT PRETTY EITHER.Wait, did i introduce her background or to u all?

Name : Brenda
Age : 16
Born at? : Malaysia
Stay at? : Australia
How come she is in Australia? : She migrated there.
Is she hot? : More pictures are below, judge urself.
Lan-ness : Very fucked up.Ah Lan personally would like to crown her with the Most Fucked up Bitch crown.

"She is one the of the sad-dest person i ever met.I thought of pitying her for being a bitch or a sadist until......she insulted asians...

alrite,alritte.... I will start the story :

Back to March 2002 , there was a cute and pretty gurl in my school called Brenda.Haplessly, she was the flatest of all the other gurls,so the guys started to call her "ironing board" as soon they found her flatness.

Well, i kinda had pity on her and avoided from calling her "ironing board".Worst, the guy she fell for , Dn joined the group and start calling her " ironing board " as well.Pissed off, she reported to teacher on several occasions.

However, things started to turn around after she migrated to Australia.Everyone thought that things are all over,but.....after a few months, she sent an email to the most lenient guy in our form, AY.

THe email is :

XXX, ur dick is very short and not long either.., I was flat but it takes time to grow... blah blah... now im mountain everest...and Dn u joined the wrong frens, and AH Lan......................

That ticked me off badly! I had mercy on her yet she flamed me back and do u have to tell us that u have big boobs now? Not like we care, right?I think she was insane and I made an assumption she went to plastic surgery just to pump her breast bigger.Well, that doesnt matter..........

What really matter here is :


She was trying so hard to make her self look like one of those angmohs, but sorry lah...NO matter how hard u r going to try,u still look like an asian ..AN UGLY ONE.

Asians make the best looking gurl compare to the other races and not like i havent date an Angmoh gurl.Moreover, chinese gurls are not that bimbotic.Guys also, we are shorter, but when we leng chai, we really more leng chai then all the Angmohs...

To make things even more complicated....

This is her friendster (dont get fooled by some of her pics,sHe looks like shit in PERSON.) :

Feel free to send her a messagethru friendster : Be urself bitch, U r asian not Angmoh.Oh yeah, U look like an ugly shit.

One more thing, she deserved to be condemmed for her bimbotic nickname and being a bitch.

IF so happen that u r that bitch above...feel free to send me an email to :


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

FOr the christians.


-Click on the image to view the cartoon-

This is wat happened to all of is tough, i know.I went thru it,nope,in fact im going thru it everyday.

Im Malaysian....and im proud to be one!

A few friends of mine came back from traveling to Australia.No doubt that we went out to yumcha and talked how we spent our holidays before school starts again.Well, I was the only one who went to Australia for a summer crash course on Economics and Globalization.We had fun chatting untill 3 of my sohais friend started to...................

Sohai Cheebye : Diu ler, Malaysia weather are damn 7 Lan diu ler, so fucking hot but Australia got summer and winter all these ler, and i wasnt that stressful at there because the weather...

Sohai Pek pek:Yalor, somemore ar, Malaysia Not safe ler,AUSTRALIA DAMN SAFE U KNOW......

Sohai Mahai:Deng, Do u know ar...........guys at there very leng chai... malaysia all the guys like shit only....

When i heard that, i started to tulan already....but i still tahan ar..............

Sohai Mahai : So, where did u go for ur holiday ar??

Ah Lan : oh , i took a crash course at Australia, Melb U.

Sohai Pek Pek : When was it?You should call kau 7 me right at there?

Ah Lan : No lar, i was there to study....i got some shit that allows me to drive there and all lar.Coz, i got PR at australia lah..

I think they dunno wat is PR , pr = permanent resident.

Sohai Chee bye :U know ar, at australia right ...the shop closes at 8 o'clock ler... U know ?

They really sohai untill they think i lying about my crash course at Australia and talk untill like i dunno anything about Australia........

Sohai Pek Pek : I know.I also like the air in Australia ler. It is very clean compare to KL...

Sohai Mahai : Yalor, i also damn 7 happy there, the food at there also taste better and got very high quality.Do u think malaysia sux?

Sohai Chee bye and Pek Pek: Yalor, Malaysia sux!!What do u think ar Ah Lan, U also there one.Why not telling us the good things about Australia ler and are u sure u went to Australia not India?

This time, I memang Tulan 120% already.....

Ah LAN : DIU NYAH MAH CHAU HAI , U all 1 ,2, 3 sohai mo LOU,u all are fucking brainless lar...........Malaysia is the best place... Do u know weather in Malaysia is the best, sometimes only hot, nya sing ...imagine u in winter, i tell u .. u wont want to say Australia weather is nice.Somemore ,during summer .... it is 4 seasons in one day........... ban 7....

SohaiS' : But .. but still the others stuff betta than malaysia mah...dont u agree ar?

AH LAN : SOHAI,Malaysia also damn 7 safe wat......only rape cases....chee bye...U all damn tulan,i go saman by the AUstralian police for not wearing helmet when i was cycling........At Australia, u think u can bribe off the police when u are speeding ar?Only in malaysia u can speed kau kau yet the police wont diu kau u like in melbourne..........

sohaiS' : but but but..

Ah Lan : No but lar,Malaysia fucking cheap and nice, Living cost here Damn 7 low, their TAX IS 47.5% ler sohai.. that y the government must care for them lar...Malaysian also got damn alot Leng luis and LEng chais.. Just tat u bunch of rubbish dunno how to see properly....and there got heaps of pollens that cause u get skin allergy and hayfever......If u all really like Australia then become one and dun bitch infront of me... FUCK U!!!

So, I scold kau 7 them untill they scare to say they love Australia,Malaysia has loads of goodie but those sohai tend to overlook it.Well, i cant really blame them Coz there is a proverb that show that human tend to think this way " The grass on the other side is always better ".

Malaysia BOLEH!!

Monday, March 06, 2006


Today, no time to update blog, because im going out to eat dinner with ah tiu and ah giu....and fucking loads of work and school works to do.Yeah, im good at procrastinating .............................

Today damn tulan, the teacher looks down on me, thinking i damn weak and mo lik because i act like one....Nya Sing, i almost carry her and throw her to the red sea,Sei PAk yer POh.....

Today also not bad,I get to knew some hot chicks around my area,I was in mCDonald....Suddenly,one of the friends i met at ( forgotten ) whispered my name a couple of time coz she couldnt recognize me and affraid that she called the wrong person........

BUT...I ALso DAMN TULAN, i didnt bring my cam and took pics with them......nya sing again.

Today,I sweared alot........which is normal..........

Today,I still consider myself a virgin....DAMN

Today,I broke.........

Today.........................................IM GONNA LAN MY WORLD

Fuck this post... ahaha..

Conclusion: Today AH LAN is very TULAN!!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Those sweet days - Chapter 2

Sorry guys for the previous chapter , i know it was too short to be considered as a chapter.
Frustrated, she glared at me with her furtive eye and kept quiet.Ever since,we hardly talk to each other,but on the other hand im getting closer to her best fren,EL and that the time when everything starting to turn around...Wait..I almost forgotten to tell u that "hollier than thou" gurl name and how i met her and why i say things starting to turn around....

PS:im sorry,this is my first time telling it isnt surprise to see me screw up :D

11 January 2001,first day in a secondary school.............

Scare,shy,feeling eccentric,i was walking towards my very own class form 1 class "jujur"= honest.I got a feeling of being left out as soon i stepped into the class,EVERYONE IS CONVERSING IN ENGLISH!!!Luckily,there was another chinaman just like me sat at the back of the class all by himself.Feeling shy, i looked down as i walk towards that chinaman.

"Hey, my name is AH LAN,wat ur one ar?"

"Oh,my name is Ah hai"

"Leng! u came from the chinese school also ar?"

"Yalor, u noe wat they kong kan ar?"He pointed at a group of people at the front row as he talks

"Ngoh dunno woh,y ar?"

"Mou SI lar.."

That was how our conversation ended,somehow it gave me the guts to approach to tat group of people.It was good,i managed to crack a few jokes even thought my english was kinda fucked up at that time,I assumed they understand coz they laughed paroxysmly. Maybe not,I think most likely they were laughing at my fucked up english,things were good untill..............

A sohai who infront of me were rocking his chair and accidentaly fell down....that muthafucker thought i was the who pulled his chair and gave me a punch at my chest without clarifying the stuffs.No doubt, i scolded him a fucker ( that the first foul word i knew in english ) and some other hokkien + cantonese foul words.

Suddenly, this chio bu i mentioned earlier on appear right infront of me.Well, i guess she knows one or two foul words from cantonese as well?wait.. did i mentioned i scolded that muthafucker a fucker?..yer..I didnt exactly scolded him, I YELLED AT HIM...

Guess wat?..She glared at me with her furtive eye and kept quiet.Worst,I was a sohai china-apek,i thought showing off how big my ego is a cool thing to do.I yelled even louder at that muthafucker and asked whether he was alright when he felt down ( i wanted to show off how macho i was )

However,teacher came in and did the name introducing game , when it was her turn to introduce herself,I gave all my attention just to get her name right.

"It is ur turn"the teacher said.

"Yes,my name is LY and im from Sekolah....XXX"

Sadly, I had to admit that how we get to know each other name....................not thru flirting or anything, and I never talked to her coz i was a stupid sohai shy fucked up china-apek.I think my image in her is kinda bad as well, i swear 24/7, my motto was no swearing no life, i made a mess in class, i fighted , i involved in all kind of stupid shit just to get LY's attention.Haplessly, it didnt work.

BUt, things started to change when im 16 after i get to know her best fren........

To be continued....

Chapter 1
Chapter 3

Plan B? Can eat one ar?

Needless to say, it is a great magazine with a cool name "Plan B",why?According to Giu Jei,her team posted too many hamsup and horny pics for previous magazine "Plan A" ,the government got no choice but to ban it. thinks "Plan B" this title is very actractive, dont u think so as well? The magazine title is so interesting till u cant resist and just purchase a copy from the store.......

Remember the yumcha day with ah tiu and ah giu that i mentioned earlier on?Giu Jei gave me the latest issue of Plan B and i promised to give a review over it after i finish reading,so here my review and rating how good is this book.

What is plan B?
It is a magazine that teaches a heterosexual man learn how to take their own body and personal hygiene.Well, inside do give out tips how to groom urself and show u some examples. Show u how to survive in this vain world and not to feel left out.It contains jokes as well....that how i learnt to be funny.....If u want to know my secret BUY THAT MAGAZINE!

ALL BULLSHITS It really surprised me when i jsut flip it around.It is seriously helpful when comes to tips for grooming urself(I not tat vain...)

I will give 8/10

Now,u may wonder wherether im lying about the rating about "Plan B", but I got few pictures to back up my claim why "Plan B" is so irresistable:

As you all know,"Bible stories" is a good book ,always and forever.

But when come to choosing between Plan B and Bible Stories...i have some troubles.Both are equally good,equally contain no bullshit,equally genuine and interesting.

Even when im bombing tokyo with my atomic bombs, I cant miss a single moment reading Plan B.

Afterall, it is a good magazine untill i find it worth EXPOSING my long dick when i bombing the Tokyo just to convince all of u out there that PLAN B is a good magazine...PLS do not spread my pictures like Tammy NYP. Pls.........even thought i look sexy.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

More pictures for bloggers meet up..

Ah giu and ah tiu

Ah tiu ,gong lan wong , ah lan ( ah tiu and me were admiring ah giu pimples while gong lan wong wanted to pierce it with his ice cream spoon )

Anyway , it was a great yumcha day for me.......

Bloggers meet up....

It was an afternoon,Gong Lan wong suggested an idea of yumcha with Ah Tiu and Ah giu afterwork.I thought it was canceled because Ah giu said she feels sick and had to pay a visit to the doctor to check-up wherether she is pregnant or not see why she was so sick .Somehow, when i was jogging Gong Lan wong rang my mobile phone up and told me that Ah giu and AH tiu already chilling at Baskin Robbin waitting for us...

ON tat day,stupid gong Lan wong treated ah giu and ah tiu but didnt treat me any shit.Well, it was on friday,and i havent get my money yet...i left around Rm50 in my wallet only.No matter wat,AH TIU AND AH GIU came all the way to my place just to yumcha with us,so yer! is worth opening my wallet to yumcha with them!

On top of that, Ah giu gave me and gong lan wong a copy of PLAN B March issue generously ( I promise i will give a review on PLAN B mag right after i finish reading ) and i learnt loads of kau lui tips from ah giu and ah tiu.

So these are the photo we had taken on that day :

Our Shadows(gong lan wong, ah tiu , ah giu, ah lan -Jason is my nick- ):

The plan B Magazine:

Click here for more photos!!

Say no to porn?

It was a nice day,so i decided to go to my cousin brother house at seri kembangan,Serdang to pay him a visit.On the way, something interesting caught my attention at the toll station near the Mine resort.....

Say no to porn?...LOOK INTERESTING!! I was so curious untill i went to check out their website (just to see wat lanciao speech they going to give about porn).. Wat is their exact purpose of saying NO to porn thru mass media BUT NOT DOING ANYTHING TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING?
Obviously,tmnet is fucked up enuff to be called as a lanciao internet service provider,needless to say, their business on internet is not growing.They are fucked up enuff to say they will provide 1mphs connection with a cheap price,but in reality they only provide u with a 56kphs speed and constant crash internet connection.Just with that, tmnet had ticked off heaps of ppl in malaysia including me,and shattered all my trust on tmnet,(FUCK MAN,JUST LIKE TAT... OUR broadband lose to singapore liao..diu).

Somehow,u gotta respect the marketing director in tmnet.Recently, tmnet had invested more on mass media advertisement..GUESS WAT? managed to con those Ah SEM, AH PEK , SoHAI, computer noob,...u name it,but not the smart people,example: AH LAN.

At first, i didnt believe it works,but after overheard some ah sems conversation at the PASAR PAGI at Kepong, it really shocked my LAN out..

AH Sems:Hoi XXX, my son are want to get pok bang ar..pok bei or pok ban ar..u know ar?

XXX: Oh, u mean STink ASS (streamyX in cantonLISH) POK BANG (broadband) ar?

AH Sems:Yalar, they good ar?..i heard there also got TIMEnet..

XXX:Stink ass betta, they got thing tat dont let ur boi boi go to those hamsup webby one..but time net dont have alr

AH Sems:YAU MO KAN ZHANG?(got so true meh?) Like tat i want to get my zai zai lor,.......

Saw tat?
Those computer illiterate ah sems ,ah peks easily got deceived by that stupid say no to porn advertisement.

Here another stupid senario caused by their stupid advertisement on RADIO.
According to the advertisement,it said tat tmnet service and building and work place had improved greatly.

SOHAI: Hey xxx,i think i wanna apply for Steam ASS ar...

XXX:Why? Sohai, timenet is good wat ...

SOHAI: No lar,timenet expensive and they only give u 284kps for 88,but Steam ASS give u 1mps for 78.

XXX:Where got?the support service is very slow one ler ..i heard from my friend..

SOHAI: Wat lar u ..never listen to radio one ar?..they say they improve liao ....even my friend who work at tmnet company say they improve liao..Their toilet now ar..MOU TAK Deng ar..Very clean and it smell very good u know?...............................................

HOW SAD IS TAT???They still give out shitty service,i just asked when they are coming to hook up the streamyx in my workplace, they say they will come next week , around the 5th day or the 6th day..TURNED OUT TO be THE 5th month after i placed the order they only come and fix.As usual, internet connection is still so slow, and constantly crash....What a shame?

I wonder when tmnet will spend their money wisely to fix the problem,instead covering it up...wat a dissapointment,yet i still have to say "MALAYSIA BOLEH!"

Nia MA CHau hais..

Last week, i watched the tammy nyp video.I have to admit she is really good for friend with benefits :D


Stop searching for TAmmy NYP video clip,oh yeah.. the clip is here thou.

Term and Condition:
1) download at ur own risk
2)if ur fucking comp spoiled,it is not my responsibility

PS:Use Quicktime player to play it :D

News on this blog

IT gotta be active from next week onwards, coz i need to change the layout abit.. too small to write stuffs. STAY TUNE
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